Okay so treat this as if you are privately reading my journal…
I know people know I am bubbly and quite jolly. I agree I am! But to be honest, lately, my days have been filled with loneliness, anxiety, and headaches. Oh and a lot of talking to myself! It could be this traveling, being on airplanes, trying to make a hotel room a cozy home. I’ve been thinking I may need to bring a stuff animal with me.
Haha oh this is going to sound very cheesy but around 3 am at the hotel this morning, I took an extremely hot bath and was crying at the same time. It was very weird. haha someone needs to stop listening to Adele.
I think what bothers me a lot right now is that, I rely my happiness every night on stand up shows and making people laugh. The nights that I don’t win the crowd it makes me sad.
I think a lot of my friends and people I hang out with enjoy my company but simply that is all. It has been this way all my life. They don’t know who I am deep down and that’s because I am probably still staying in my character that I am on stage when I perform my stand up. I think every night I want my audiences to be on my side, laugh with me, love me. But subconsciously I must do the same in social situations and no one probably takes me seriously.
I truly think my one woman show, “I’m Not Myself” is what I really need right now…
A show that will give the audience all my impressions, a piece of myself who I am and the battle I’ve had with impressions that are my best friends and are my enemies. It will also be great to do something very different than what I normally do. This show is funny, weird, and vulnerable.
Ever since I was 12 years old and found out I can do impressions I soon engaged these celebrities as a means to escape the person I am and never liked being and become them with their voice, close my eyes and feel like I am them. Living in a much cooler celebrity world perhaps hah. As high school continued I fell more alone and more closer to my comedy and impressions. I think I’ll always be a little off and a little weird but I believe that life is better that way.
Lately, I’ve been very proud of myself that my writing is becoming honest, vulnerable, and more me. It’s very exciting and not relying on impressions to get a laugh in stand up anymore, although don’t get me wrong I still do the impressions but weaving them in more of a personal story and doing my best to connect them with my world.
I really do hope that all of you come to my show, “I’m Not Myself” at the Theater Complex on Santa Monica Blvd in October!!!
Will post flyer very soon. Keep comin to stand up shows. Hope this blog wasn’t too much of a livejournal entry from high school.
All the best,